Flawed & Fabulous moms

A good mother… What does it really mean? This phrase itself sparks enthusiasm, hope, the glow of positive intentions. After all, we moms by our very nature are driven to do right by our kids.

So what is a "good mother" — how much flexibility have we got in there? Is there an official scorecard? Am I "the best mom I can be"? Raising kids isn't like trying to make a 4.0 or win a race. Unfortunately, in too many minds "good mother" means "perfect mother”. There's a lot of pressure to have your child be exposed to as many learning and growth opportunities as possible — make them a good child by being a good parent. It is unrealistic to think that you can work full time and at the same time spend lots of quality time with your kid, birthday parties, and sports games, cook healthy dinners and help them with homework. Whatever you're doing, it feels like it is still not enough.

As our society becomes more child-centred, parents feel more and more in the service of their children — and more pressured to do everything right. There's a pervasive sense of blame that tells us, no matter how your kid turns out, all his flaws point back to you: The wrong kind of discipline, the wrong foods, and the wrong reading materials, even what you eat during pregnancy will affect your child. Is it any wonder why we want to be "perfect"? We want to stay off the firing range. There's also a sense that modern life is competitive, expensive, and more difficult and we have to give our kids every advantage to succeed. So is it any wonder that more and more experts are weighing in on exactly the right way to parenting — and yupp..we're eating it up.

It's not just external forces putting pressure on moms, though. Unfortunately, we also constantly criticized and judge each other. Moms who work look down on moms who don't and vice versa. I heard people saying, “Why didn't you breastfeed longer?” “Why is he in day care already?” These kinds of questions will never stop. Why this, why that! As hard as it looks, we actually need to appreciate people's different ways of raising their kids. You have to do what is true to your heart, and that is good parenting. Everyone will have opinions on what is right and wrong, and there's nothing to say what you're doing is right or wrong, but we're all giving it our best. We've got to lighten up on ourselves.

Many moms feel guilty about taking time for themselves. But moms do need breaks! We need to nurture ourselves so that we can be better moms. Being a good mother also means taking care of yourself so you can give more of yourself to your children. Indeed, it won't actually do your kids any good if you're stressed about being the perfect parent.

Just remember:
-We all have guilt — just don't let it take hold.
-Sharing makes you realize you're not alone. Seek out support whenever needed.
-Your instincts are just fine. Good parenting comes from the heart and gut.
- Parenting is a learning process.
-Taking care of yourself is important. "Do one thing each day that nurtures you, even if it's only for a few minutes.
- You are doing your best and God willing, your kids will be okay too!

Happy Mother’s Day!

P.S.: Parenting advice books can be a wonderful resource — if you don't take them too seriously ;o)